J for Jealous...

So jealous. O so freaken jealous. This group of gals I know.  They seem to have everything. Here's their life in a nutshell...
-SAHMs and very happy about it.
-Weekly lunches with GFs, sometimes twice.
-Bi-monthly mani-pedis
-Activities for the day- organizing play dates, traveling/hiking mid week, baking
-Weekends-Parties

-Parties-Invites from the rich and famous

-Invites- Theme party that includes napkins and silverware matching the theme too.
-Dress code- Specifically bought outfit to go with the theme.
-Greeting- the 3 Muahs
-Kids say- Namasthe and Thank you
-Other Weekends-Clubbing and bar hopping

*****Now lets compare that to my life******

-WMAOM (work my ass off mom) and very happy about it.
-Weekly bitching with GFs, sometimes always daily.
-Activities for the day- work, ordering kids around to clean up, travels (in the car) to swim/gym/paino lessons, baking re-heating food in microwave.
-Weekends-Parties.. Chilling out with people I adore.
-Parties- Impropmtu invites from my Soulmates
- Invites- Always personal. Conversation goes like this..
Soulmate: hey
Me: hey
Soulmate: whats up?
Me: Don't know what I should make for dinner.
Soulmate: I have spaghetti sauce from last week and uncooked spaghetti
Me: I have cheese and can get garlic bread.
Soulmate: I have some chicken links we can throw in there.
Me: Should we ask other Soulmate to get some wine
Soulmate: Yup
Me: My house?
Soulmate: No her's, its been 3 days we haven't been there.
Me: OK
Soulmate: OK, I'll let other soulmate know we will be there in 1 hour, this will give her enough time to chill the wine.
ME: Chal bye. Milthe hain.

- Dress Code- old XL T shirt and yoga pants/ jammies. No one bats an eyelid.
- Greeting- "गधा, इतना लेट क्यूं आया?" (Donkey, why did you come so late?), or "उल्लू, खाना साइड में रख और २ ग्लास फटाफट मार्के आ, हमलोग काफी टुन्न है already."( Idiot, put whatever you brought to the side and drink up 2 glasses quickly since we are already high)
- Kids say: Can I stay over? Can my friend come over?
-Other weekends: Clubbing...uhh, Costco or Sam's Club-bing!

Now, you see why THEY are sooo Jealous?

Till death do us part....

This year a friend is hosting the Christmas party with an international potluck theme. I sent her a note saying that I may have people visiting that day and would like to sign up for dessert-which she mentioned in her signup email to all of us. VD-ya goes and right royally signs up for walnut cake and sugar cookies. So I respond to the sign up sheet saying I'll get pasta and send it through some one if I can't make it on time, and also add a comment about VD-ya's "reading skills". 3.7 seconds later VD-ya calls me apologizing, justifying, trying to switch back blah blah. (I don't know why she fears me or thinks she needs to appease the goddess in me-I don't scare you, do I?)
Conversation:
Me: It's ok.
VD-ya : No, I can get the pasta, you make the dessert.
Me: It doesn't matter, I have ingredients for either and don't feel like changing again.
VD-ya : Ok, but if you feel like changing, just let me know and we can swap.
Me: Ya, whatever.
VD-ya : Itna daratha hai tu mereko...You won't let me die in peace too, will you? You may be the one haunting me, not the other way around.
Me: When will you die? It better not be in December..too many parties plus my bday. I ain't ruining them for your shok sabha.
VD-ya : Kamina! So then Jan. is ok? after New Year party?
Me: No, Mu-man's bday ,Valentines day, Spring break, Sand's bday, Shaant's bday....Umm.. How about June 1st week? We can be sad for a couple of weeks and then we need to plan for a vacation during 4th of July weekend.

Dial tone......
Whaaa!!!

Of donkeys and mules

I guess I say "ass" a lot. So, Shaant said I would have to pay a nickel everytime her Papa and me swore. I asked, "To who?"
She didn't know, so she shut up.
Mu-man gave me a Hi-five!!

*****************************************************
Conversation:
Me (watching TV): Stupid ass, cannot even say his dialogues right!
Shaant: A nickel, amma.
Me (completely ignoring her): Stupid show.
Shaant: That's a nickel too.
Sanj: Akka, we'll be millionaires if we collect a nickel for every word.
Sanj: Amma, what's another word for donkey?
Me: Ass
Shaant: Nickel!!
Me: Smart ass.
Shaant n Sanj: Nickel!!
Me: O shut up.
Shaant n Sanj: NICKLE!!
Me : *$#*$!! Here's a blank cheque!

Fantasies....

Saw some bucket lists and got inspired. Mine are just pure fantasies coz I ain't kicking the bucket anytime soon. I laugh too much for that crap to happen to me this early. I don't have any "achievements" kinda list...things just sorta happen to me and I go with the flow. I don't think I'll do much to achieve the list below too, but if it does happen, I have a place to come and check. So, here goes...

1. I want to have an affair (not the sexual kind) but the sparks-flying-off-in-the-tensed-room kind. (for real, not just in my head with XXX).
2. I want to win an award and give a speech. (for real, not in front of the mirror)
3. I want to be able to sing my favorite ghazals (for real, not in the bathroom)
4. I want to be on stage-dance/drama-Umrao Jaan related. (for now I practice the Salaam everyday)
5. I want to be thin and wear white linen/cotton dresses. (HA!)
6. I want to move to Kuaui, Hawaii and start a Bed and Breakfast place. (Oooh!)
7. I want to live alone for a couple of months. (but not have do any tax crap)
8. I want to be a licensed masseuse. (if someone sponsors me)
9. I want to live close to my loved ones even after the gals have flown the nest. (cul-de-sac, Sand?)
10. I want to give away everything I have slowly and live a minimalistic lifestyle. (only after I turn 70, ok?)
11. I want my gals to be good human beings. (Thank God for Mu Man's strong genes)
12. I want to see the Mu-man relaxed and at peace. (Then I can die peacefully)

To be contd.....