..the kinda crap that makes me feel alive and kicking. I dont think its wrong. I'm done hiding and pretending about these thoughts and deeds. Here's a sneak peek into my head...
-At work I have a fake cigarette that emits a "smoke", I take it into meetings..
-I do mental pee races with guys. I enter the ladies room as they enter the guys' restroom and race them out.. I have smiled at some of them too. And they know they got beat by a girl.
- I make up movie/comedy scenes in my head..here's one
Patient to Shrink: I am very judgemental and hate myself at the end of the day
Shrink: Ok, I'll show you some random things and you tell me what the first thought in your mind is.
(looking around, finds her purse, opens it up and displays the contents to patient.. one of which is a pack of condoms).
Patient instantly: SLUT!
Shrink: Relax, take some time and think about it. In this day and age when diseases are rampant, dont you think its a good idea that I'm keeping the condom handy?
Patient thinks and nods: Safe SLUT!
This is the kind of crap that plays in my head constantly. I made this up right now (looking around and seeing one lonely condom in my purse)!
- I went with my buddy, Trav from work to Costco during lunchtime and wanted to finish my shopping first, while he wanted to pig out on the free samples. We argued, he wouldnt listen, so I made him.
I screamed, "No, Trav. I cannot marry you, I won't accept that ring, NO NO NO." Trav followed me quietly like a puppy dog.
- Made some kheer-prasad for a good Jain (vegeterian and non-alcohol drinking) friend BUT didn't tell her it was made of rice and Bailey's Irish creme and fed it to her. (I'm surprised she didn't kill me later when her speech got slurry).
- I talk to people in their own accents. (I can't help it, it sounds like I'm mocking them, but it actually comes out naturally).
- I told this to the maid who came to "see" my house and give me a quote but ended up wrinkling her nose and saying "O God" so many times.
"That's why you are the maid and have to do the dirty job while I get my nails done".
Not so bad, huh? But pretty crappy, I say...
3 years ago
