My inventions

My inventions:

I know most of us have inventions scrambling in our heads all the time (at least the normal ones like me do). We never end up going to the “patent”-ing office BUT cringe when we see it on TV being sold by screaming lunatics for 3 easy payments on $19.99 and that’s not all, if we call within the next 7.3 minutes, they offer a free pair of knives with it too. AAhh! It is soo frustrating.
So, I am taking this opportunity to list and document all of mine. If any of you see it on an infomercial on Saturday night coz no one invited you to a party so you are just sulking and channel-surfing, please feel free to call me and let me know so I can sue their chaddis off their butts. (BTW, I will be partying every Saturday night so call me on my cell.. which I may not answer coz I may be laughing at the party and may not be able to hear your call, so leave a message. Or call me on Sunday morning after 10 am, as I would be hung-over from Saturday night’s party).

1. Eco friendly magnets: So you attach 2 huge magnets the size of a pillow to the front and back of your car. The magnets come with a transmission device (just a big word that’s in every owner’s manual that Sandy reads out aloud). Mine is like a walkie-talkie. As you drive on the freeway, you Beep any other car (with the transmission device.. ok lets name it B142. It’s very important to name it with B because 1. It’s cool to confuse people and 2. People think there were “A 140” series and this is the latest and greatest).
Now you ask them through the B142 if you can join them for the next 5 miles. Then you Buzz (a button on the transmitter) and attach your car magnets to his, thus joining both cars. Now turn off your engine. And he drags you. You Un-Buzz (double click Buzz from before) when you want to take your exit. The most eco friendly way of saving gas. As an incentive to the “Draggers”, we give them $1 for every mile they drag you. As a “Dragee”, you just get dragged. What more do you want?
2. Back friendly washing machine: The machine is either in your closet or bathroom. I prefer bathroom. It has 2 bins, so you separate colors and whites. For those of you who do “greys” that’s an upgrade for the 3rd bin. So you throw your clothes in any one of the bins as you change/ take a shower (pre-sorting done). Over the week as soon as it fills up, the sensors detect the “fullness” and turn the machine on automatically. It washes and dries in the same bin. It folds and places itself into a built-in shelf (work pending on the “folding” part).
3. SUCKER: A built in vacuum cleaner. Every night the carpet starts sucking everything weighing less than 2 llbs. And its so user friendly, you get to set the time of the day!!! The chute is connected to the ocean directly. So no clogs, no bags. Better than Dyson. Also teaches kids to clean up toys before going to bed OR ELSE. heehahaaheeeha and husbands to pick up wet towels.
4. SUCKER II: You enter a booth kinda like a phone booth and the same philosophy as SUCKER takes place… only difference is it sucks the Fat off of you. You just enter in the amount or go by the default amount. In an upgraded version, you pick the body of a celebrity from Pam Anderson to Hritik Roshan and click the Big SUCK button. Procedure takes 10 minutes to 90 minutes depending on the amount of fat you have and time taken to actually fit in the booth. Now guys, it only sucks FAT. Do not misuse.

There, I got it all down now. WOW, I Rock! Now for the “how” part…..