My perfect day!!..I top you TPL!! :)

My best friend, Cloud and I went to Elmers Taco and our order got screwed up. We didn’t check before we brought it back to work and noticed his box said “no lettuce” though none of us had asked for it. We ate at at our respective desks….


Conversation through IM:

Cloud:
i have no idea what i'm eating
Guddi [12:07 PM]:
im so sorry. mine isnt that great either... but i bet its better than urs
u want the one that i havent touched yet?
Cloud [12:07 PM]:
no thanks, it's all you
it's not bad, just not sure what it is
Guddi [12:08 PM]:
urs is a cheese taco i think. no meat, no lettuce. m dunking mine in n the salsa so my mouth wont dry. u sure u dont want mine?
Cloud, [12:08 PM]:
i'm sure, and mine does have meat
Guddi [12:08 PM]:
o ok
Guddi [12:09 PM]:
why did u say no lettuce?
Cloud,[12:09 PM]:
i din't
Guddi [12:09 PM]:
dont u like lettuce?
Cloud,[12:11 PM]:
ok so, let me try again, i did not ask for no lettuce. it's not even our order remember
Guddi [12:12 PM]:
then why did they say no lettuce
Guddi [12:12 PM]:
they do it only when u ask for no lettuce.
maybe its that stuff u talked in spanish.. maybe that translated to no lettuce.
Cloud,  [12:13 PM]:
which part of it's not our order is confusing to you? its not our order
Guddi [12:13 PM]:
i just dont get why you dont like lettuce...unless you are allergic to it?
are you? ive never heard of anyone being allergic to lettuce
Cloud, [12:14 PM]:
ok, i'll try one more time....IT"S NOT OUR ORDER!!! so whatever it is i did or did not ask for is irrelavant. We didnt' get what i ordered, or what you ordered.... i didn't say anything at all about lettuce.
IT"S NOT OUR ORDER
Guddi [12:16 PM]:
o so you ordered this WITH lettuce and they mistook you for WITHOUT lettuce. u know you shud just not say anything about lettuce next time.. maybe it normally comes with it so they misunderstood??
Cloud,  [12:16 PM]:
IT"S NOT OUR ODER. I SAID NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY REGARDING LETTUCE
Guddi [12:17 PM]:
oder?? u mean odor? your food stinks?
Guddi [12:18 PM]:
baby...
Guddi [12:18 PM]:
i love you... very very much. with or without lettuce


SILENCE!!! ....
The only thing that shuts him up.
Don't you love my Cloud? :)

Teaser...

It's my friend SubmarineMan's bday next week. 3 couples are putting together a skit in honor of this occassion. I can't disclose details.. but here are a few things he has said in the past that we plan to rip, tear and shred to pieces....

1. There is no F sound in Phillipino lingo.. so I guess they just Uck!

2. His wife finds Ranjit (yes, that oldie villian very OOOO) and he says," What do you like so much about him? All he does is rape!"

3. He claims Sujit Kumar is a wanna be rapist who only waits outside covering for Prem Chopra. His resume reads
"Seeking challenging position as Senior Rapist".
Qualifications:
Held doors shut ensuring victim does not escape.
10 years of experience in watching, now seeking hands on experience..

4. He knows everything about everything.. yup.. thats what I said..EVERYTHING. Pick a topic..he'll tell you about the year, statistics around it, why, when and how about it.

Sorry, not a true funny.. but I'm gonna try and and see if I can add the script here in the next couple of weeks...

All in the family

My nephew's story writing skills-
One day there was a tiger. He had a friend called Lion. Both were best friends and very hungry. They were looking for food and saw a deer. They ran after the deer but he was very fast. After running for a long time, they both got tired. Then suddenly the tiger had an idea. He jumped on the lion and ate him.

Moral of the story: Foolish Lion!
(Sand, next time we go out, please let me know if you are hungry ahead of time, ok?)

PS: This is a home-made story.
(Versus bought from Laxmi stores?)

It's a friend eat friend world out there, what can I say!

*********************************************************

Last night when Mu man came back home from a neighboring state, Sanj hugged him and said, " Papa, are you gonna be Flag-Staffed like Ajja and Mamama when they come from India?"

Jetlag doesn't even rhyme with Flagstaff, small!!

And yes, we train them young in my family of crazies!! :)

Bhoothnath

Shaant has been having weird thoughts about ghosts. So, I spent an hour last night laying down beside her and explaining with all my heart that there are no such things as ghosts, that whatever people claim to see or hear is all in their heads, that dim lights and silence plays a big role in making things sound weird.. blah, blah. Finally, she hugs me and goes off to sleep and I doze off as well. By the time I wake up it's 1 am and decide to go back to my bedroom. As I was closing her bedroom door, I hear something. I smile and shrug. I even think," O, that ghost is going to his momma claiming he saw fat human!" I hear it again. It was weird, almost like a "SSSSS.. TOK". I contemplate going back to Shaant's room so she doesn't wake up scared. I hold on to her door knob and hear it again .."SSSSS...TOK, SSSSS...TOK". I am about close to screaming but I walk a couple more steps.
It's FIL ...snoring!! ARGH!
So I walk towards my bedroom, the "SSSS...TOK" slowly fading away. By the time I reach the living room, I hear "SSSS... TOK" a lil louder and with every step it gets louder and louder. Now my heart is ready to jump out from anywhere it can. I freeze.. my mind running in several different directions.. back to Shaant? get the lights? call 911? go towards the "SSSS...TOK"? .. Yes, thats it. Towards the "SSSS.. TOK".

It was my FIL's son!! Same exact "SSSS... TOK"!!! I could strangle Mu-Man.
Why can't these guys go with the traditional "Grrrr... Hissss"???

I'm Thankful for...

...No, this is not one of those "thank you" notes to my friends and family or a delayed Thanksgiving post. It's actually to God for creating these souls whose sole purpose in life is to amuse me. I can almost hear God's
words to them as he sends them on their journey to Earth.. "Go my children, make Guddi's life as blissful as you can. It isn't a hard job as she believes everyone around her is stupid and she is the smartest ass around, just make sure she finds you."... or something to that effect.

I am thankful for--
-The lead I work with who insists on pronouncing S with a Sh sound. But he is not always consistent, there seems to be a rule to it..
If 1st alphabet of word =S and/or
Number of S in the word = 1
Then pronounciation = Ss,
Else Sh.
Eg: Syshtematic, Startsh, Jusht, Lasht, Sandsh, Ashaaan, Shtarry (because you have only 1 S)etc.

- The random person who sends me an evite to attend a Lovely Dinner Party at her house without introducing herself. Evite further asks to get a "fabulous"dish. Now why the Eff am I gonna cook to make her dinner party lovely? Doesn't she know just my presence will make it perfect?? Seriously, people need to catch up with my reputation!
(BTW, out of the 6 people invited 4 declined, 2 didnt respond-party cancelled)

- Old man Chuck who sat across from me at work and farted his way to glory! The rest of us cube-ies would IM each other the sounds and discuss and argue about what he may have eaten. The new gal Crystal was made to sit on the other side of the wall from him and walked in one morning to hear Chuck rrripp it out. I swear I heard Crystal scream, "O Sweet Jesus!" in utter shock! Sharri, who sat kitty-corner from him started spraying air freshner over Chuck's head.

Need I say more?
Lord, bless these people with more lisps, stupidness and gas. They do bring me a lot of joy.

J for Jealous...

So jealous. O so freaken jealous. This group of gals I know.  They seem to have everything. Here's their life in a nutshell...
-SAHMs and very happy about it.
-Weekly lunches with GFs, sometimes twice.
-Bi-monthly mani-pedis
-Activities for the day- organizing play dates, traveling/hiking mid week, baking
-Weekends-Parties

-Parties-Invites from the rich and famous

-Invites- Theme party that includes napkins and silverware matching the theme too.
-Dress code- Specifically bought outfit to go with the theme.
-Greeting- the 3 Muahs
-Kids say- Namasthe and Thank you
-Other Weekends-Clubbing and bar hopping

*****Now lets compare that to my life******

-WMAOM (work my ass off mom) and very happy about it.
-Weekly bitching with GFs, sometimes always daily.
-Activities for the day- work, ordering kids around to clean up, travels (in the car) to swim/gym/paino lessons, baking re-heating food in microwave.
-Weekends-Parties.. Chilling out with people I adore.
-Parties- Impropmtu invites from my Soulmates
- Invites- Always personal. Conversation goes like this..
Soulmate: hey
Me: hey
Soulmate: whats up?
Me: Don't know what I should make for dinner.
Soulmate: I have spaghetti sauce from last week and uncooked spaghetti
Me: I have cheese and can get garlic bread.
Soulmate: I have some chicken links we can throw in there.
Me: Should we ask other Soulmate to get some wine
Soulmate: Yup
Me: My house?
Soulmate: No her's, its been 3 days we haven't been there.
Me: OK
Soulmate: OK, I'll let other soulmate know we will be there in 1 hour, this will give her enough time to chill the wine.
ME: Chal bye. Milthe hain.

- Dress Code- old XL T shirt and yoga pants/ jammies. No one bats an eyelid.
- Greeting- "गधा, इतना लेट क्यूं आया?" (Donkey, why did you come so late?), or "उल्लू, खाना साइड में रख और २ ग्लास फटाफट मार्के आ, हमलोग काफी टुन्न है already."( Idiot, put whatever you brought to the side and drink up 2 glasses quickly since we are already high)
- Kids say: Can I stay over? Can my friend come over?
-Other weekends: Clubbing...uhh, Costco or Sam's Club-bing!

Now, you see why THEY are sooo Jealous?

Till death do us part....

This year a friend is hosting the Christmas party with an international potluck theme. I sent her a note saying that I may have people visiting that day and would like to sign up for dessert-which she mentioned in her signup email to all of us. VD-ya goes and right royally signs up for walnut cake and sugar cookies. So I respond to the sign up sheet saying I'll get pasta and send it through some one if I can't make it on time, and also add a comment about VD-ya's "reading skills". 3.7 seconds later VD-ya calls me apologizing, justifying, trying to switch back blah blah. (I don't know why she fears me or thinks she needs to appease the goddess in me-I don't scare you, do I?)
Conversation:
Me: It's ok.
VD-ya : No, I can get the pasta, you make the dessert.
Me: It doesn't matter, I have ingredients for either and don't feel like changing again.
VD-ya : Ok, but if you feel like changing, just let me know and we can swap.
Me: Ya, whatever.
VD-ya : Itna daratha hai tu mereko...You won't let me die in peace too, will you? You may be the one haunting me, not the other way around.
Me: When will you die? It better not be in December..too many parties plus my bday. I ain't ruining them for your shok sabha.
VD-ya : Kamina! So then Jan. is ok? after New Year party?
Me: No, Mu-man's bday ,Valentines day, Spring break, Sand's bday, Shaant's bday....Umm.. How about June 1st week? We can be sad for a couple of weeks and then we need to plan for a vacation during 4th of July weekend.

Dial tone......
Whaaa!!!